In the last two years I have gained weight, meandering between size 14 and 16. I don’t even know how to dress myself anymore (physically yes, emotionally no).
I don’t think I have ever been what you would call sexy. My five foot tall stature gets me a lot of “cute”, but not sexy. Being asked for my ID when seeing an R-rated movie has been my life. But, I’m turning 37 next week and I kind of feel lost.
None of my clothes fit quite right because emotionally, I can’t bring myself to buy a size 16. I dread getting dressed in the morning; the thought of putting an outfit together feels more like torture than fun. It used to be fun and I really do like to dress nicely. But Why can’t dress pants be stretchy instead of the torture devices that they are? Seriously have you dealt with that inside button pushing against your flesh all day (a sign that maybe I should buy the 16)? I have bought a Fitbit, apps, kettle bells, Pilate circles and even a treadmill. I have worked on eating healthier and I cook at home, but I’m losing the battle, people.
Then there are the stores; the rack has 10 extra smalls, 50 smalls, 5 mediums and 1 large if you are lucky. Who are these small people and why aren’t they buying your clothes? Maybe the lack of large and extra-large means you should stock more large and extra-large! The worst thing that could possibly happen when I’m in a store dressing room is overhearing “Can I get an extra small, this small is too big”. Well, just let me hang up this extra-large shirt I found buried in the clearance rack, wipe my tears and leave the store without being stopped by the high school girl that works there that doesn’t understand the struggle, yet!
So, where do I go from here, besides commiserating with chocolate and becoming a shut-in? I’m not sure, maybe Pinterest will have the answer? Seriously though, I’m sure there are a lot of other women out there that feel my pain. While strides have been made in fashion to dress us “normal” girls, it’s not enough. I want to feel sexy, or even “cute” again. I don’t want to feel pained when I get dressed, shaming myself for what I should look like instead of being happy with who I am. I’m open to suggestions, a clothing line, a “normal” girl friendly shop, therapy…just don’t suggest Spanx.